When we're talking comedy and college sports, no one ever did it better than Stephen Colbert: "The NCAA basketball tournament has everything I like: corporate sponsorship, unpaid labor and blind partisan allegiance."
In just 16 words, Colbert provided a fairly accurate blueprint for why college sports is so darn successful.
Colbert's joke was funny. But did you see Comedy Central's South Park episode "Crack Baby Athletic Association"? It just eviscerated the NCAA. What do crack babies and the NCAA have in common? On the surface, nothing. But South Park dug deep and ended up striking comedy gold.
Even I, who has been known to criticize the NCAA on occasion, cringed a few times as watched. Of course, Trey and Matt offered a nasty portrayal of the NCAA, but that's how comedy works. When an institution offers unyielding, sometimes absurd arguments to justify its very existence, there's going to be pushback.
Who knew Matt and Trey were so well versed in the nuances of NCAA atho-letics and so capable of doing a full frontal on the NCAA in less than 22 minutes?
If you care about college athletes or are just have to find out what crack baby basketball is all about, enjoy the entire whole episode.
Or you can watch this instant classic scene below where Cartman pretends to be a slave owner looking for a legal way to not pay his slaves. He figured the University of Colorado president might have some unique insights. Just wow.
Some memorable quotes...
Slave owner meets academia
Colorado president: "There are very good reasons our student-athletes can't be paid."
Cartman: "Now when we sell their likeness for video games, how do we get around paying our slaves.
President: "Student-athletes."
Cartman: "Student ath-o-letes? Oh, that is brilliant, Suh!"
Cartman: "If any government agency listening in on this conversation they should know we're not talking about slave ownership. [whispering] Alright, sir, how do you get around not paying your slaves?"
“I ain’t arguing. If they got paid then how would we make all that money, right?”
On the Crack Baby Athletic Assn. business model
"Got a constant flow of athletes that never dries up. Best of all, it's charity, so it's tax free."
"And it actually helps the crack babies. It's like volunteering, but we make just a little on the side.
"Welcome to The Firm."
On CBAA rules and an in-home recruiting visit
"Crack baby players can't make a salary based on the rules. I don't make the rules. I just think them up and write them down."
“Ma’am the Crack Baby Athletic Association is a storied franchise. It was founded over 12 days ago with a firm ethical code that strictly states benefits to players is detrimentalized to their well being. I cannot offer you or your child any cash. I can, however, offer you a little bit of crack.”
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What do yo think? Did South Park go too far?
UPDATE: A few of the above quotes are courtesy of Darren Heitner at Sports Agent Blog, who transcribed my favorite new word "detrimentalized." Brilliant, Suh.